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Trafalgar Square 2009
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Ritmo Andaluz Show

The Pied Pipers of Alqueria

The Pied Pipers of Alqueria

I will reiterate.

I do this as the sort of mentality required to read this piece is perhaps the sort that is unable to retain knowledge for any length of time. The ‘Alqueria Four’ consisting of the lovely, shapely and vivacious Manuela, Loca Pepa, Antonio Poyato and Loco Paco have been exiled from Alqueria by an unnamed invading power who coveted the Remitroot crop. The Four had dammed a stream feeding the crop in the hope of destroying the said crop. Pepa had watched the lovely Manuela swimming naked and had decided to ‘bat for the other side’. Two new volunteers had arrived at the cave where the four are exiled, Manuela and Pepa are therefore forced to share a room as the ‘Alqueria Four’ are now the ‘Alqueria Six’.

It is morning.

“Pepa? Is that your hand?” asked a sleepy Manuela.

“Sorry Manuela I, I Just thought I …..” stammered an embarrassed Pepa.

“Not to worry Pepa, just leave it where it is, we’ll sleep a little longer”

It is the morning after the blocking of the stream and our heroes are to venture into Alqueria to see if their plan has been successful. With no stream water mingling with the town’s effluent the unnamed power would be forced to water the Crop with fresh water, which in turn would render the Crop impotent.

What could go wrong?

What went wrong was in the assumption that without the stream-water mingling with the effluent no nutrients would reach the Crop. In fact without the stream-water only the effluent reached the Crop which, as it wasn’t diluted with the stream-water was richer in its disgusting solids which endowed the Remitroot with incredible potency.

The Remitroot Whisky was over one-hundred percent alcohol by volume, impossible I know but this is Alqueria, and the aphrodisiac produced from the plant turned those who partook into oversexed Rasputins of Olympic proportions.

The above mentioned oversexed Rasputins having seen Manuela and Pepa immediately took chase. Manuela and Pepa took to their heels.

“Lead them out of Alqueria” shouted Poyato.

“Why is it always the women that suffer” Manuela shouted back but added to Pepa “Run Pepa, but not too fast, we don’t want them tired when they catch us”

The borders were closed behind them and Alqueria once more belonged to Alquerians. The stream flowed again and the Remitroot crop flourished normally.

Manuela and Pepa returned some two weeks later to a heroes welcome, they were tired but happy.

“That was fun” said Pepa and added “I think I’ll bat for both sides”

“Sí Pepa, keep your options open, it’s what I do”

by John MacDonald