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Ritmo Andaluz Show

Manuela and Don Perfecto

Manuela and Don Perfecto

Manuela is depressed! Her foray into the world of online dating was a disaster. Antonio Poyato faked his profile, which didn’t fool Manuela and she ended up with Pongy Pedro the only man to pass from kinder-garden via puberty into middle age without taking a shower. She used him to rid her house of vermin, rats and mice that is not would be suitors reluctant to leave. Antonio Poyato, who had been forgiven for his deception had fallen into the role of confidant to Manuela, although he did tend to fall asleep during her more lengthy ramblings and took notes with trembling hands during her juicier and more colourful confessions. Antonio in his role as ‘advisor’ tried to dissuade her from her proposed course of action, she intended to consult Alqueria’s very own witch Sanchia Sústomore.

Poyato argued that she wasn’t a very good witch citing the fact that she had training wheels on her broomstick and had recently collided with Iberia’s evening flight from Madrid to Cape Town causing her to lose her no-claims bonus. Manuela being a headstrong girl would have none of it so on a particularly dark night they set out for Sanchia’s lair.

Manuela was no stranger to the world of witchcraft having studied at the Witches, Wizards and Allied Trades Training College but was expelled for using the Warlock’s wand for immoral purposes. She pointed out the various potions and books of spells that Sanchia consulted and stopped Antonio from sampling the contents of large bubbling cauldron which contained and evil mixture which included the vital organs of various reptiles and the body fluids of the more disgusting quadruped mammals.

Sanchia was rather taken aback by Manuela’s request for a potion to bring her a man believing she already had a plentiful supply. Manuela explained it wasn’t the quantity she was looking to rectify but the quality. Manuela then listed the attributes she required for the man she wanted Sanchia to conjure up. He was of course every women’s ideal. Loyal, sharing his thoughts, listened to her emotional ramblings, caring for her needs etc. etc. During this discourse Antonio and Sanchia fell into a profound sleep such was the banality of the speech.

Sanchia prescribed potion ’69’ for Manuela, the name didn’t surprise her but the extortionate price did. It was to be taken twice a day for two weeks.

After the two week period no man made an appearance and Manuela began to become suspicious and had the last remaining drops of ‘potion 69’ analysed. It was Poyato’s Remitroot Grappa that Sanchia had given her.

You see Sanchia knew that no potion could do what Manuela had asked, a man like that simply doesn’t exist!

by John MacDonald