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The Bank of Alqueria


The Bank of Alqueria

Alqueria's currency, as all avid readers will remember is the 'Raro'. It is not linked to the gold standard nor is there a buoyant stock market. This is reflected in the exchange rate which at the time of writing stands at 35, 376,298.76 Raros to the Euro. The currency is simply waste paper and only used by the Bank of Alqueria in its foreign dealings, Remitroot in its various forms is the coinage of choice within the Pueblo.

Alqueria's state bank has extremely interesting fiscal policies many of which are subject to investigation making them 'sub judice'. It is the only international financial institution which can make inefficiency, ineptitude and total inertia actually pay, making the Bank the only profitable establishment in Alqueria. 

The head of the Bank is one 'Briefcase Carlos' who is ably assisted by 'Blackmask Alberto' both giants in the fields of drunkenness and womanising but totally out of their depths regarding economics. They are obviously well qualified when compared to their international counterparts. The Bank's offices are in the Calle Horno an ideal place for book cooking, a discipline that Carlos and Alberto excel. 

The illustrious pair, due to a typing error once  gave a loan, the equivalent of over 2,000,00.00 Euros to a stray dog. The remedy was simple, print more money to significantly increase inflation thus devaluing the loan to the tune of 25 cents. A new arrival in Alqueria foolishly thought the currency was negotiable and had his savings paid into the bank, it was never seen again but  Briefcase Carlos and Blackmask Alberto spent two drunken weeks on the Costa del Sol. Loco Paco once drew his forty Euro Stupidity Disability Allowance, known affectionately as the 'Maracas de Machín Fondo', in Raros. This amounted to over 100,000,000 Raros which gave Paco a hernia while transporting it, this increased his disability to forty-five Euros. Alberto and Carlos were naturally upset at this extra financial burden and subsequently paid Paco in Neotropic Cormorant droppings, Paco seemed quite happy though.

Alberto and Carlos did try their hand at the well practised art of corruption but being inept and not having the slightest clue when it came to finance legal or otherwise ended up out-of-pocket and the Bank actually went into profit.  Blackmask Alberto had to repossess his own home while Briefcase Carlos arranged a 'bridging loan' for himself but as he considered himself a bad risk charged an excessively high rate of interest and went bankrupt.
The Bank of Alqueria is an institution which reflects the very essence of the Pueblo and its people, badly run, fulfilling no useful function whatsoever and fundamentally anarchistic. 


La Alacena de Ana Maria
Tel. 950 39 05 21
C/ mayor 67. Vera (Pueblo)
Organic meat, fruit and veg.
Organic wine.
Ask for Maria Dolores who speaks English



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