The Sculpture Competition
‘Music has charms to soothe the savage breast’ so the quotation goes. Certainly the Alquerian breast was savage at worst and at best dysfunctional. Manuela’s breast, well that’s a different story. Something was definitely needed to stop the endemic and damaging civil unrest, even if only temporarily. Music was too harmonious for the aggressive Alquerian mind to comprehend. Chipping away at a block of stone with a blunt chisel however, was certainly on the cards. A sculpture competition was duly was organised.
The ‘Sculpture Prize of Alqueria ‘ was to be the prestigious award for the winning entry. This consisted of a block of stone with two horizontal and one vertical hole drilled through it. Rumour has it that it was a piece of the old town hall that fell down after Poyato’s Remitroot still exploded. To accompany this glittering piece of waste stone will be a firkin of grain alcohol guaranteed to cause blindness and bleeding gums before binging on profound and prolonged intoxication.
Both barrios fielded potential winning sculptors. Manuela and Loco Paco for the Hill People, Three Fingered Pepe and Strangely Marrón, a funny boy, for the Newcomers. Locked away in their respective barrios the participants hammered and banged. Many mistakes were made as the piles of discarded debris grew ever bigger. To replace the wasted stone, fragments had been surreptitiously removed from buildings all over Alqueria. Buildings became structurally unsafe. Some began to visibly list while others such as Randy Rafael’s dorma bedroom collapsed completely at a very inopportune moment.
Finally, judging day arrived. None too soon as the structural stability of Alqueria’s buildings was beginning to match the emotional stability of its inhabitants. Judges and other interested parties formed a procession which visited each of the contestant’s workshops in turn.
Strangely Marrón’s master piece was first to be judged. This consisted of a cardboard cut-out of Michaelangelo’s ‘David’ hiding a pile of blood and flesh covered rubble. Strangely’s chisel damaged fingers supplied the blood and flesh. The rubble was the result of his ineptitude with the aforementioned chisel. The cut-out didn’t fool anybody which was just as well as Strangely Marrón promptly collapsed through loss of blood.
Three Fingered Pepe’s contribution was what one would expect from a three fingered chiseller but was awarded second prize nonetheless. Loco Paco, in his own fairy tale world didn’t produce a sculpture but for some unfathomable reason wore a wedding dress, military tin-hat and orange day-glo flip-flops for the judging.
Manuela’s was the only sculpture that resembled anything at all. Although the theme was vividly pornographic and worrying in its detail it carried the day and Manuela became the proud possessor of a lump of waste stone and a barrel of grain alcohol.
The sculpture had to be exhibited behind closed doors so not to compromise public morals.