Museo Parque de las Ciencias in Granada very kindly supplied an array of television broadcasting equipment. They didn’t exactly donate it. A small but badly trained commando unit from Alqueria moved not so swiftly across the Spanish border and made off with it. Although antiquated it did transmit television pictures. From a shed on the Calle Generalissimo the sparking, smoking and shaking apparatus sent the Canal Alqueria Television signal across the village.
The Alquerian Parliament had decided to set up the service to meet the peculiar requirements of the village’s population. Local news, the singular Alquerian weather and entertainment designed for their strange tastes were all to be broadcast.
Blythe Gruntmore the resident Englishman and Geordie was to read the news. His grasp of Spanish was akin to a politician’s concept of truth. This was intentional as ninety percent of Alquerian news was bad and the other ten so trivial that not being understood by anyone sober enough to switch on their television set was a distinct advantage.
Rodriquez the most loathsome and hated man in the village took on the role of children’s entertainer in the guise of the lovable Rody el Payaso. His large bulbous red nose and clown’s baggy trousers simply made him even more hideous and grotesque than usual. One knew when he was performing in front of a live audience from the children’s screams and sobs. Prime time slots were filled by transmitting films from DVDs on hire from Dodgy Diego’s Film Rentals in Viator.
Manuela being Minister of Culture needed to be included but her usual contribution would be x-rated and only suitable for transmission in all but the most broad-minded of Scandinavian states. She was therefore given a craft show demonstrating knitting techniques. Manuela is however an inventive girl with the result that her show could only be broadcast at two in the morning. Recordings of her show are changing hands for 200€ in the back streets of Almería.
Sacerdote del Semblante Lánguido, the village priest and existentialist rounded off the day’s programmes with a half hour spot. He spent the whole thirty minutes banging on about the meaningless universe and the contingency of all life. Some thought he was working hand-in-hand with Francisco Cabezacaso AKA Paco the Shrink the village psychiatrist. His patient numbers increased proportionally to the priest’s air-time.
A review of Canal Alqueria in a Spanish newspaper simply said. “The most exciting thing to happen to television since the off switch.”
Unfortunately electromagnetic waves do not conveniently stop at borders with the result that Spanish homes were receiving the Alquerian signal. Complaints reached such a peak that the Spanish authorities had to act. A week after Canal Alqueria started transmitting it stopped, blocked by elements of the Regimiento de Guerra Electronica 31.